In Season 4 of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the women and production forsakes and plays at what it means to ‘have grace’ in their portrayal of female friendship. They set rules for what it means to ‘show up,’ to sacrifice, and be bound by the necessity of attendance, both online and in Utah.
With the launch of Mayci’s memoir Told You So on the horizon, there is a buzz around the members of MomTok’s attendance and participation. Undeniably, Mayci’s hometown book tour stop is a big deal, and there are clear pressures to market the book placed on her by her publisher, a responsibility placed on authors more and more today. The idea of balancing fame and friendship is raised around this event, a commentary spearheaded throughout this season by Layla.
When Jessi, who initially agreed to host Mayci’s tour stop, chooses an Unwell event instead, drama is unearthed in classic MomTok-fashion—the truth box. Mayci, who always seems reasonable as she stuffs her own feelings inside, expresses to Jessi that she was hurt she would choose a smaller career event over a large milestone she agreed upon. In that moment, Jessi’s panic is palpable. She must prostrate before the group, pinning herself to the cross of ‘supporting women’ above all else. She apologizes. She cries.
In the end, Jessi hosts the event. Jen and Whitney, who are filming Dancing With the Stars in LA, do not attend Mayci’s event, and Jessi is the first to start crucifying them. They sit in a circle, rumoring that Jenn, who said she was sick, is faking it. Once she FaceTimes the group, barely able to speak in bed, they accept her excuse.
Whether Jen’s suffering is real has been speculative fodder since her prenatal depression and suicidal ideation in Season 2 (which also required her to film a video of herself crying to prove to the women, and still, it was critiqued). This season, with Jen excused, they give her ‘grace’ and move straight to Whitney.
What they cannot tolerate is Whitney being too emotionally and physically exhausted to fly to Utah and back in a six hour window. Immediately, she is doxxed as unsupportive, selfish. Borderline lazy. Whitney receives no ‘grace.’
At times, these women support each other in real, tangible ways. Whitney let Jen move into her AirB&B last month when she and Zach couldn’t find one. She stayed by Mikayla’s side during her recent skin treatment. In the finale of Season 2, Mikayla holds Mayci as she cries when she visits the car crash site of her first baby daddy, Arik. Jessi and Miranda cry with Layla as she talks about her weightloss drug addiction. Yet, why do they and the producers push this message of adequate female friendship requiring a perfect attendance record?
Certain absences are forgiven. Taylor was gone for weeks to film The Bachelorette, missing out on countless support opportunities. She is having a mental breakdown and does not go to Mayci’s Sinners event. She is understood by the group, all while she yells at them and calls them horrible friends for tiptoeing too lightly around her volatile feelings.
Meanwhile, certain members of the MomTok prioritize attendance over their own opportunities. Layla cites ‘being there for MomTok’ as one of the reasons she might not be able to work with Ford models (if she got the deal). When Whitney and Jenn fight, Layla says she is scared to miss a comment on a post, referencing Taylor’s issue with the CMAs last year.
It seems each woman is put into their own category, pushed into their own personal attendance policy with expectations dictated by the scale of their fame, opportunities, image, and past contributions to the group. Their attendance policy becomes cyclical and perpetuates their ability to achieve (or not achieve) the public success that would allow them to break the confines of their support role to the group.
Meanwhile, The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives itself is a schedule constraint that is rapid-cycling so fast that the seasons cover the reunion from the prior season, and the women are all now ‘Executive Producers’ to the extent that may entail. They are all underwater. If anyone could understand the unique experience they are all going through, as mothers to mostly small children, wives, influencers, and reality TV stars, it’s each other.
With their involvement in decisions, why do they constantly hold each other to the crucible under the watchful gaze of the audience? To Taylor, it seems like a game. Yet, for the rest, when did their public friendships become a place for judgement, as if a comment section is a service of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and all are required to attend?
April 9, 2026
Autumn Rose Bellan 